It’s a terrible thing to arrive at work to find you might just have the worst job in the world.

According to website, newspaper journalism comes 200th in the list of good jobs. 

And, no, there isn’t a 201st position.

At least actuaries are laughing — presumably all the way to the bank, because they earn quite a lot and don’t appear to work all that hard.

Newspaper reporters axed lumberjacks from the anchor position in the jobs desirability table in an apparently unstoppable plunge to the bottom of the league. 

Jobs were rated from best to worst based on five criteria: physical demands, work environment, income, stress and hiring outlook.

We don’t do much running about — although I like to think my daily cardiac workout is only slightly offset by the fact I get it running up and down two flights of stairs for a cigarette.

But you do have to stay alert and highly mobile for quite long periods — my personal best being around 17 hours, admittedly after a couple of terrorists tried to blow up Glasgow Airport in Scotland with a jeep packed full of gas cylinders, so it was a special occasion.

As for income, well, it’s fair to say I’m unlikely to ever be in the market for a Roman Abramovich superyacht like the Eclipse, which recently visited Bermuda.

Which brings me to stress — a superyacht wouldn’t be much use anyway because the unpredictable nature of the job means I’d probably never have the time to go anywhere near it.

As for my work environment, well, admittedly, my desk is a mess — but that’s largely due to the fact I don’t like throwing bits of paper away. You never know when that 2010 press release on shopping habits in Bermuda might come in handy, do you?

As for hiring outlook, according to anyway, we’re about as useful these days as a Bermudian coal miner or train driver.

Actuaries, however, who, to the untutored eye, at least, are merely overpaid bookmakers in pinstripe suits who calculate the financial value on risk on everything from hurricanes to pension liabilities, have it easy.

Apparently, according to the US survey, they don’t work long hours, they have high salaries and a shortage of them means they’re at a premium, so their salaries are going up.

One distinguished member of the profession said: “I think we’re underpaid bookies, because we protect billions of dollars of assets around the world.

“It’s a very respected profession and we’re treated very, very well.”

Biomedical engineers — whatever they might be — come second, followed by software engineers, who, I am given to understand by the technical people in my office, are the ones who sprinkle the fairydust in the back of my computer so it works.

But it’s not all numbers and hi-tech at the top — caring professions like vets, dieticians and physical therapists all claim spots in the top 20.

Journalism, however, does have its compensations.

You do get to rub shoulders with the odd superstar and — at least until the killjoy authorities in the UK put a stop to it — some of my ex-colleagues — allegedly, it must be said — got to listen in on their phone calls as well.

And sometimes, just sometimes, you do get to play a fairly major part in taking down the bad guys, so it’s not so bad really.

Which brings to third from the bottom — enlisted military personnel: you know, the people most likely to get shot at. 

Which must make me a bit of a glutton for punishment. Did I mention I’m a private soldier in the Bermuda Regiment as well? n