When thongs are just plain wrong

FRIDAY, AUGUST 17: This is a call for all good men and women in Bermuda to return to a state of elegance.  I insist.  I don’t know exactly when it happened, but somewhere, somehow, cruise lines passengers have been led to believe that while they are visiting Hamilton, it is acceptable to wear anything they like, including singlets, which as everyone knows is not a good look unless you have a fetish for armpit hair. 

Sarongs, the wearing of towels wrapped around one’s waist like a sarong, and “cover-ups” that don’t cover up, are also making the rounds in the streets of Hamilton. In the early part of the cruise season, leggings worn over bathing suits had the unintended look of the wearer remembering their panty-hose but forgetting to wear their skirt. Needless to say, it is a trend that shouldn’t be repeated.  If you are doubtful or think that I am exaggerating, then grab a seat out in front of the Hamilton Ferry Terminal any day at approximately 11:00 a. m. and see what is emerging off the tenders.  It is a confederacy of slobs.

The island country that invented “smart casual” now plays host to the “inappropriately dressed” and the result has been that the entire Bermuda experience has been diminished.  The sad thing is that this is partly our fault. While we insist on jamming a “Good Morning” down someone’s throat we forgot to mention that Jet Ski attire or a thong doesn’t really cut it in Hamilton. 

Cruise ship passengers dressing like they are spending the day on the boardwalk at Coney Island, sully our tourism product. Taste has nothing to do with wealth so we can’t exactly blame a meager travel budget on the huddled masses coming to Hamilton from Dockyard in their skivvies.  These same folks from the Northeast wouldn’t be caught dead walking through the streets in Manhattan in their bathing suits, so how is it they arrive barely dressed to see Hamilton?

In simple terms, what we have on our hands is a classic etiquette problem.  Neither Bermuda’s Tourism Department nor the cruise ship lines seem to have any interest in making sure that our guests are well informed and therefore appropriately attired. 

The cruise ship industry operates on the premise that volume is king.  Stuff the ships to capacity, serve them decent food and then grudgingly mention Bermuda’s pink sand and pretty water.  Their modus operandi seems to be “We’ve got their money; what they wear is their problem.” 

The Department of Tourism, grateful to have the business, doesn’t seem to want to rock the proverbial boat by taking the lead and providing these tourists with a few ‘Do’s and Don’ts’, when visiting Bermuda. First on the list should be, ‘Clothing is required in Hamilton’.

Real business is conducted in Hamilton and Bermudians have always taken pride in their appearance and presentation.   I would imagine that most of our cruise ship guests conduct themselves with the necessary decorum that their jobs and lifestyles dictate.  They attend church, synagogue, funerals, graduations, retirement parties, and a host of other life events that require proper dress. 

Courtesy and etiquette dictates that our guests should be fully informed as to what is expected when they visit our capital.    It shouldn’t be “oh, you’ll find out when you get there…and too bad you walked along Reid Street and felt completely underdressed in your bathing suit.”

Elegant Bermuda

Perhaps you are not too bothered by seeing the sartorially challenged walking around town.  Perhaps you are under the impression that as long as these nice folks are spending a little money in the shops, all is forgiven.  You would be wrong.  These well intentioned visitors wearing “barely there” attire when visiting Hamilton are putting off other visitors who spend significant money to stay at our hotels.

Visitors to Tucker’s Point and The Reefs, just to name two high-end hotels, like the fact that Bermuda is not the “come as you are, anything goes Caribbean.”  They are paying for the elegant Bermuda, not the t-shirt Bermuda and definitely not the in-your-face, too much exposed flesh Bermuda.  

The Holland America Line’s, Veendam, still maintains a dress code with explicit instructions for their passengers.  Sadly and without any explanation, the one real luxury liner that berths in Hamilton will sail to Bermuda for the last time at the end of this month.

It doesn’t take too much imagination to figure out that you can’t charge people a lot of money for a state room suite and then dock in a port that looks like a scene right out of ‘Slum Dog Millionaire’. It also doesn’t help that two competing mega ships are offering berths that are so cheap that it is more economical for these passengers to take a cruise than to stay at home.  Holland America no doubt figured that their product was compromised by the existence of these low budget ships and has pulled out of the Bermuda market.

Let’s not discourage any more hotel visitors from enjoying Bermuda and having their expectations of an elegant island ruined by misinformed cruise ship passengers.

The Bermuda Department of Tourism needs to step in and get the message to cruise ship passengers loud and clear that in the land of Bermuda Shorts, knees are considered sexy. As to the rest, we either like to leave it to our imagination or see it on the beach!